i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
