im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
