I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize