I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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