I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
