I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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