i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
