idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
