Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
