I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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