Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize