I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
