and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
