Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
