she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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