drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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