I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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