Someone shit on the floor
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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