??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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