I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
