How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize