Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
