She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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