I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize