Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
