Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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