please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
