I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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