My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
