He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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