I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
