His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
