Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
