I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
