sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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