Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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