we're blogging at a bar
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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