Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
