Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
