they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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