just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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