I wanna passion pit in your ass
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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