I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
