Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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