Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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