How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
