I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
