I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm gonna fight the coyote
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
