Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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