Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
