How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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