You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
