i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
