I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
