What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I've blown a few things in my day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
