She tied me up with her honor cords...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
