Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
