I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She bit a glass in half.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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