Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize