Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
