she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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