I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
