your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
