You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
