she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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