five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
