i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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