I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
