So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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