I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
