you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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