if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
