it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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