Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
