Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
