lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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