so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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