Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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