By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
