my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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