we have officially lost it.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
